Thursday, November 15, 2007

You want a piece of me?

Okay... so it's been a while since I've blogged. (Again.)
And even more importantly, it's been a while since I've blogged about my life outside of comic books.
You all know I'm a fairly private guy. Sure, I need to vent now and then... but that's what I have close friends for. I don't like the whole world -- and every random person who reads my books -- to know the ins and outs of my personal life. So I keep that kind of stuff to a minimum. Not only to protect myself... but also the people in my life. It's only fair.
But with the way this week has gone, I'm about ready to break. So buckle up, kids... becuse I've got some things to get off my chest.
Okay... that was overdramatic. Things really aren't that bad (I think).
Basically, I've been swamped since August. I've written 9 scripts (plus a bunch of plots and other random projects) in the last 3 months. Many of them have been rush jobs or have been new projects that involved heavy planning work early on. I've been working weekends. I've been working 16 hour days. And somehow, I've been meeting all of my deadlines.
That isn't the problem. I mean, yeah, it's a heavy workload... but it's worth it. I'm at a great place in my career and I worked hard to get there. To me, that's worth every second spent behind the writing desk.
But in the midst of it all, I've been trying to maintain a social life. And while most of my friends and family are completely understanding of the insane schedule I have right now, others sadly are not. They want to spend a lot of time with me... and have made it clear that the time I am able to give just isn't enough.
I guess I'm touched that there are people who want to spend time with me. People who actually give a damn when they don't get to see me as often as they would like.
But at the same time, there are only so many hours in the day. And when an unusual amount of those hours are already devoted to work, there are only so many left to give to other things (like eating, sleeping and... well... a social life).
It's not like I'm going to have this work schedule forever. I've hit a busy patch (as freelancers often do) and it will slow down. It all comes in waves... and eventually I will have plenty of time to give to friends. But I'm not sure that all of them are willing to wait around. And I just don't know if that is fair.
I'm giving all I can give right now. Every second of my day that isn't filled with work is given freely to the people in my life. I can't remember the last time I had a second to myself. And yet it's still not enough... and I think I'm just getting worn thin.
So as I step back and assess the situation, I have to try to figure out how to find some balance. But I honestly have reason to believe that whatever balance I find still isn't going to be enough for some of the people in my life. And I just don't understand why it has to be that way.
The whole idea of "if I don't get to see you more, I don't want to see you at all" makes no sense to me. It seems to go against itself in every way. Every second of life we share with others is a gift. I just wish people could be happy with the time we do have and understand the reasons behind the time we don't have...
And all of this brings me to a few potential realizations:
Maybe I'm at a point in my life where I understand that just because you aren't talking to a person all the time doesn't mean that you aren't still thinking about them. (But it doesn't matter if they don't believe that.)
Maybe I'm realizing that people who need constant attention and affection are not a great match for me. (Trust me, I've been there before.)
Or maybe I'm just not as giving as I thought I was. (But I honestly don't know what else I currently have to give...)
So yeah. There it is.
Open to your thoughts...

3 Comments:

At November 15, 2007 at 1:30 PM , Blogger Miguel Rodrigues said...

It's always hard when you realize people want more from you and you can't give it to them. Specially when these people are friends, family, loved ones in general. It is my understanding that not only is every time we spend together with those we love, special, the time we spend apart should be as well. You're right when you talk about the people that have a need for constant validation, they are hard to put up with if you don't need constant validation yourself. In my experience, and this is probably true because I'm generally impossible to put up with (even tough every one loves me, as they should :)), the time apart should be used for the betterment of the time together. New experiences, new projects, even new people. When we see our friends again we'll have more to talk about, new things to share with them and hopefully they'll have something to tell as well. I have 4 friends that for many different reasons, the biggest being that they don't live in the same country i do, i can only see them once or twice a year. I don't think it affects how much we like each other and how good a friend we are towards one another. On the other hand, i have some that i see quite a lot that give me the impression that they could give or take when it comes to our relationship. So it all comes down to how much we like ourselves without being selfish egotists and how comfortable we are when we're alone. In the end we each have the duty to not only understand a friend' availability but support whatever endeavor their currently in so that we can be sure that when it's our turn they'll do the same.

Talk to you in a bit Marc.

All the best

Mike

 
At November 15, 2007 at 2:12 PM , Blogger Sumerak! said...

Thanks for the thoughts, Mike. Seems we're on the same page.
In my opinion love -- in any of its forms -- should be about giving support and understanding when someone is going through difficult times... not demanding more from them.
But what do I know...

 
At November 18, 2007 at 12:10 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been trying to come up with a reply, but I'm afraid Mike said it best. People come and go in your life (friends and family alike) but the ones worth keeping are the ones who are ALWAYS there for you, regardless of how much time has passed between meetings/speakings.

Bean-Oh

 

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